Dealing With A Commitment Phobic Girlfriend

So you've met THE girl, or at least you think you have. She means the world to you. 

She’s the most important person in your life. Her happiness is more important to you than your own. 

The world ceases to exist when you are with her. To put it simply, she’s the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. She likes spending time with you. She shares most of your interests, if not all, and vice versa. The two of you are, what some would say, on the same wavelength.

You’ve given it time to see if these feelings are constant, rather than a one off occurrence. It now seems only logical to want to take things to the next level. Who doesn’t want a compatible life partner? Sadly, this is when the problems start. Every mention of the word or concept of commitment elicits a frenzied response from her side. She makes excuses and wants more space out of nowhere. You find yourself bewildered at the sudden change in her attitude and the manner in which she behaves with you and around you. Well, you’ve somehow managed to fall head over heels for a commitment phobic girl.

What to do?

It can be rather disappointing and maybe even infuriating, when you find out that the girl who means everything to you, while sharing the same feelings for you, shies away from committing herself. The mere thought of committing to someone terrifies the hell out of her. This is, understandably, a very tough time for a guy and there’s a good chance you’ll be in a bad mood and irritated because of this. This is where you need to restrain yourself from reacting and over-reacting to her. Try to keep a cool head and deal with the situation. Flaring anger never really helped anyone make headways in life.

Why so?

This is probably the most important step when it comes to dealing with a commitment phobic girlfriend. You really have to find out why the idea of commitment terrifies her. Could it be because of a failed relationship in her past whose bad experience made her vow against commitment for good? Or could it be that either her relatives or friends have had bad experiences which had a profound effect on her too? Being cheated on or having had a rough childhood could bring about serious relationship issues in a person.

It's not your fault!

It is but natural for a commitment phobic person to try and put the blame on the other person in the relationship. Don’t take it to heart if your girl says similar things to you. It is no way your fault and you should never doubt yourself. Also make sure you don’t take out your anger on her if she has said anything along those lines. She might complain about things like how she feels smothered, even though you do give her all the space she needs. You’re going to have to be the understanding one here.

Talk to her

You will have to adopt a careful and cautious approach in dealing with her issues and concerns. Erasing deep rooted commitment issues is definitely not going to be an easy task. Commitment phobic people tend to develop an irrational fear of being in a long term relationship. You have to try and make her think rationally. Be patient and make her realize that you do not possess any of those traits that would have led her to believe that commitment is not her cup of tea. Make it clear that you only have her best interests at heart and would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship. Reaffirm your feelings for her and tell her that you want to spend your life with her.

You need to realize that this is something which may not work out for the best. In one corner of her heart, she would want to spend the rest of her life with you – but a phobia is not an easy thing to get over. You need to work with her on this. Take it slow and easy. Talk and express yourselves to each other. Moreover, don’t let the anxiety get to you and make things worse for each other.

While it may sound harsh, do make it clear that the relationship has a future only if commitment is on the cards. You cannot keep waiting forever and a little more. While love does matter a lot in life, you cannot spend the rest of your life in a relationship which has no specific direction. It requires time and effort, which is something both individuals have to make an equal contribution to. If it is one sided, it was never meant to last.